But how could I miscalculate

i haven't been soo happy in a long time.
everything is amazing.
i love my apartment and my co-workers.
and getting drinks/dessert with them after work.
:)

life has been reallly crazy lately. i've been exhausted and stressed out for months now, i've gotten used to it now. i recently moved to haight street which is amazing. but moving is not soo amazing, ive been going through hard times and i had to make hard decisions about people in my life, but i feel i made the right decisions. im going to take this time to work on myself and my apartment and hang out with my puppy. i think things are reallly looking up for me. i've had too much bad things happen and lifes just been really hard on me but im ready to take on whatever comes my way.

on another note, stephanies car broke down on her way to school which cancelled my vacaville trip i was really looking forward to. i miss my dad:(
i miss everyone else too.
so come visit me since i have no car!

i got to hang out with debbie for two days and it was full of :

- flying kites
- blowing bubbles
- picnic
- vegan pizza
- being cocky
- ghetto blaster
- dancing
- mexican food
- shrek 3 with my dad
- ROTT!!!!

tooo much fun.

i've been too wrapped up in the social events of casper to take and real time for myself. and that would explain why i've been soo tired lately.
however;
i pretty much stayed in bed and read a book.
watched a few zombie movies as well.
overall i feel refreshed.

i think the weather chaning has helped with my happiness, its been a nice 74 degrees with a nice breeze all weekend, that beats last weekends unexpected snow storm which caused me to fall on my ass in the middle of first and center, with a whole line of people outside the movies theatre waiting to see spider man witnessing my fall. oh and i sprained my shoulder, it was pretty funny.

im ready to runaway to some distant country and start a new life.
its amazing how the perfect day can go seriously wrong by the nightfall.
im way too young to be this stressed out.
and this alone,

im done.
seriously done letting people control my life.

it really sucks when you realize how you feel about certain things/people after the damage has already been done. i guess now i will have to work extra hard to have things be the way that i want them. but whatever, its worth it.


casper has really been taking its toll on me. if you are around our age in casper you are either:
A. depressed
b. married
c. have childrem
d. an alcoholic
e. a drug addict.

and really im none of the above. however i find myself identifying with a few of the listed choices and its not something im proud of, or even okay with.

Well you say that I treat you like a book on a shelf.
I don't take you out that often 'cause I know that I've completed you
and that's why you are here.
That is the reason you stay here.
How awful that must feel.
You said you would be my dream. I could have you every night
and if, by morning, I had forgotten you, well, no big deal, it would be all right
'cause you are the reoccurring kind.
You are the reoccurring kind.
You never really leave my mind.
Are you the love of my lifetime? 'Cause there have been times I have had my doubts.
We were just kids when I first kissed you in the attic of my parents house,
and I wish we were there now.
It took so long to figure out
what this book has been about.
Now I write when I'm away letters that you never read.
You said go to explore those other women,
the geography of their bodies
but there is just one map you'll need.
You are a boomerang. You'll see.
You will return to me.
You will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will.
You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will.
'Cause if you don't, then this book is all lies.
If you don't, then my plans would all be ruined.
If you don't, I'll start drinking like the way I drank before.
And I just wont have a future anymore.

on april 28th i get to see bright eyes in denver and im pretty excited, it will be nice to travel outside of casper, however its going to take like 4 hours or more.

here are a few words used to describe m in the last couple weeks:
1. enlightening
2. exhausting and
3. faaaaantastic.
i think i can live with that.
also, i was asked if i was oblivious, maybe its true.

today i found out that words can still hurt me. i mean really hurt me. no matter how much i try to brush them off, they seriously honestly get to me. i've been trying to be strong but deep down im just a really sensitive girl. i see people for what they are now, people i thought i knew really well. whatever im just naive or should i say was. i've realized im okay on my own and i can survive outside my comfort zone( maybe even better than my so called comfort zone). i've never felt soo okay to be myself than i have in the past few weeks. i feel independent! its nice.


on a happier note. its been a little over a month that i've been gone. and i've accomplished a lot. i got a really goood, fun job and i huge 1987 chevy astro mini van. i have my own place with two roommates who are amazing. i've officially adopted them as my brothers. hopefulley this journey will teach me what i need!
i miss home though...

i got a job at us bank!!
im going to be a little teller girl!
im probably going to get a car soon!
and over all im just content with things right now.

i think i've lost my ability to trust.

i miss my home
i miss my friends
i miss bradley
however, the snow is beautiful.

PERFECT.
PERFECT.
PERFECT.
LAST NIGHT WAS PERFECT.

today was my last day working at bcbg and i only have 9 more days until i head to wyoming for a year. im really nervous but really excited to start a new life outside of my comfort zone. im going to be gone for a year MAXIMUM!!!!! i just need a few changes.

im tired of being sweet to people, especially ones who take it for granted.

i've decided that im going to move on jan. 13.

"just because its real doesn't mean its going to work"

im going to my dads girlfriends brothers fiancees sisters house for thanksgiving.

i hope everyone has a good thanksgiving.

i put my two weeks in at work yesterday.
i need a new job.
any ideas?

hello rain!